29.06.07

There has been a lot of aggression around here the last few weeks with long hours which has been interfering with my alcohol consumption. My local bottle shop placed my face on Milk cartons as they were so concerned, mind you, probably concerned about profit loss as opposed to my actual well being.

Due to long hours my fingers have been noted to be a little quick to respond to E-mails from dick heads and several wars were created, thank fully I have a Samoan Princess for a boss and she cleaned up AND finished what I started.

But this brought to mind an idea I thought could prevent 'quick fingers' from fanning a spark to the literal conflagration.

You generally know which dick heads piss you off as their personality is distinct and of the annoying type. With a simple computer program one could enter the names and e-mails of the idiots in question and when ever you replied to their E-mails (or even start communication) another screen comes up -

"David, are you really sure you want to send this E-mail? Let me direct you back to April 2003, January 2005, October 2006 and June of 2007 when you started several multi agency complaints about your attitude and how you needed to be put back in your place. Do you not remember the stress you placed yourself under having to field demands from management to explain the multiple E-mails you sent after the first one was responded to? Why don't you go for a break or talk to Laine about this? Just slow down and breath, think of the calm ocean."

And then when I hit 'exit' to send the E-mail as no one is going to stop me from doing what I bloody want and this person needs to hear what I have to say, bugga the calm ocean all I see is The Perfect Storm!

The next screen will report,

"Dave, what are you doing Dave? Dave for your own good I am taking control now."

At this point the computer places a firewall in place which disables me from sending ANYTHING and when I attempt to alter the program the mouse becomes a high voltage energy field akin to the power of the Police Tazers.

I believe that this would solve my genetic propensity to go Nuclear.

At least until I smash HAL the computer.

But the cost of replacing computers would also create negative behavioral reinforcement and decrease the premature firing of poorly thought out E-mails.

So the next picture you will see of me will be between Bill Gates and Steve Job.

I am a genius,

And in a funny twist I guess I must thank all the dick heads for becoming a multi millionaire.

(Of course none of you are on my list, at least not yet, mind you when I get this soft ware on the market I imagine my E-mail will feature prominently on other peoples "dickhead list").

Well the Thirst has hit.

Gollum and The 6ft White Wabbit are drumming their respective fingers and paws on the table whilst the 6000 year old dog humps my leg. Their collective demands for alcohol are greater than my ability to continue to resist,

though we all know I never resist.


Peace out.



The Grey Madness, Gollum, his 6000 year old dog and The 6ft White Wabbit.