Ramblings of the Disenchanted

05.10.09


I’m a loser.

Of course I will not be able to bring the feeling that Beck could though the title is enough; short, simple and to the point.

Today is caught up in wide proclamations as well as made up diagnosis that gives those who need them leverage and meaning to their lives or to the lives of others around them.

Can’t really rant against them due to the states I find myself in but at least I know I have the diagnosis that DSM won’t include – I’m a loser or alternatively, I’m fucked up.

Again – short, simple and to the point.


Some people aren’t meant to live a natural life; not meant to proceed through the given ages to the end that some idiots believe God gave them. These ones that decide to take another course at times are assessed as mentally unwell.

Well let’s look at the criteria of the Mental Health Act 1992 and amendments with regards to mental disorder as mental disorder has a different definition than that of mental illness – mentally disordered under the MHA 1992 is about inability to take care of oneself or dependants and be a risk to self or others – in the simplest of descriptions.

Am I unable to take care of myself and dependants? – probably not but there is Heidi the wife to take care of them and who really needs a fucked mind such as mine I existence?

Am I a risk to my dependants? No – only by remaining.

Am I a risk to myself? – I hope so.

And so we come to the debate of why I should not be allowed to take events and life into my own hands as I am not under legal disability (i.e. able to make sound decisions, instruct a lawyer, construct a defense which I am doing now by the sounds of things).

People would argue that a sound decision is not toward self annihilation though I would argue that life, religion and law has become so engrained that there is little alternative left to the other side, the other decision that can be well thought out through the time given to the individual.


Should we think strongly about it we should come to the conclusion that the Ages and Empires have all come to ends often due to individuals or many individuals that have not been able to sustain the expectations of the multitude.

Expectations – it always comes down to expectations, whether you’re a Caesar, Tyrant or Mongol leader, whether you’re a single individual that decides now is the time.

No-one can decide that for you unless they have a bullet driven into your brain.

And then perhaps you should thank them.


Thank them for the time and effort they used without thinking.


But in any case they closed the book.


No more chapters.


No more verses,


No Gospel,




Back to the Nothing.





Where everything begins and all ends, no favors, no expectations, just nothing.







The Grey Madness