Broken

Apparently when something is broken it's not as strong as when it was first.

This seems to be the truth as again I find myself languishing in the depths I thought I was traversing relatively well. Shouldn't have forgotten the medication, well shouldn't have really let it lapse without getting a new script, the folly of believing one is well, of thinking that the now is the forever and that I will continue in this warm jet stream of not perhaps progress but at least of moving whilst not drowning, that was the feeling, the thinking and the reason for the poor judgement.

How many others have you counselled against the same thing? How many have you guided away from that rickety ride? And as usual the lesson of insight is lost on the mutant who gives it, need to remember that intelligence and wisdom are two very different things, and just as insight is linked to judgement so too does any fluctuation in either aspect compound the effect on the individual when it comes to talking about mental health and judicious use of both anti-depressants, a mood stabiliser and an atypical anti-psychotic.

Perhaps we should look at where the break is, find it and mark it for future reference as in this way we can navigate away from the perceived weakness and allow other strengths in different areas or aspects take the brunt of the attack, share the load and burden sort of approach. Of course this means nothing if I lack the insight to see the Early Warning Sings and take action which may include asking for help - (ask for help? males don't do that you pussy).

Ah yes the shoulder weight of societal pressure, like acupuncture using 6 inch nails, just as damaging in use and application but that doesn't stop the hammer does it?

Or the ramset gun that we load with purple charges, and of course there is the cordless drill which I understand is capable of a full frontal lobotomy thought admittedly more messy than that a surgical drill.

Just.

Could opt for leucotomy (home made style using crochet hook) but in the end the self harm spectrum for me is best left to alcohol and poor nutritional intake - how many years before DSM puts that in there some where, shite if they could have homosexuality in there in the 60's as a mental illness anythings possible.

But back to me, why because I am God, another reason I should have been taken the meds with more frequency, but if I am delusional by that very definition I can't be reasoned with there for I am immune to rebuke.

(Need to slow the whirlwind yet a-fucken-gain, will this tortuous spin never end, reaching for a piece of hay in the nebulous turmoil because I somewhere heard dying men do that, or was that drowning, no matter, a means to the end doesn't change the end, only the journey, and we're all treading one way or another towards the end, slow it down bitch, feel something real, something tangible, put the knife away, too much butter on the toast in any case, time for marmite.)




What's the frequency Kenneth?







Madness