12.09.09

12.09.09


“Do you want to have longer sex?”


The radio add echo’s in my head whilst I am trying to push weights in the garage, ignoring the leaves and tricycles left in precarious places no doubt in order to test my ESP abilities.


“Do you want to have longer sex?”



This man is not married,


He does not have children.



Or what in this household we call Spawns of Hell; well that’s what I call them in any case. It may be a little unkind but when you link the distinctive Triple Sixes hidden on both of their blonde heads with their added ability to spin their heads like Linda Blair and project vomit at Clergy one has to make certain logical jumps. Heidi naturally refuses to see or accept any of this, that’s what religion does to you, blinds you from the Truth – proof of this of course being that she refuses to accept that I am God.



But anyway back to the add about ‘longer sex’.



When you have 2 little children being readied for Dissension into Dante’s various levels of Hell you do not have much time to have sex let alone have the libido ready for such an encounter and when the amazing confluence of time and libido come together you both look around to see what the Spawns are up to. Are they playing outside NICLEY? Are they watching a video? Do they like it? Is Hannah scared of any of it as she will run for Heidi? How long does the video have to run? Do we have condoms? (For obvious reasons)?



So no Mister Add person, we do not want longer sex. This would only lead to disruption by crying, running in the house, and yelling, screaming, holes in the walls and has Mr. Add Person ever looked up when you’re in a certain position to see a smiling little blond 4 year old asking why I am tickling Mummy?



I think not.





So I am happy with the special ability Heidi and I have to reach the Top of the Mountain and knock the Bastard off in record time. I do not care for the belief that I should be gesticulating for 5 hours, I do not want to, I do not want the pain nor the agony nor the knowledge that if I was able to go this long there would be 34 interruptions, which if I think about it IS the only way I would be able to last that long.







So keep your nasal spray and pills, keep your advertised women and men as I have reality to deal with and it is hard enough without being hard for as long as they assert I could be with their intervention.









The Grey Madness