19.10.07

Some people around here have been asking what the hell Catatonia is.

My clinical description left some stupefied so I thought I would try again with a description borne out of narcissism, a place and space I am more than comfortable with.

Catatonia -

Catatonia means that you have to stay late to type notes and monitor condition as well as administer medication.

Catatonia means you have to get up bloody early to administer medication on time (Thanks Dr Gardiner - you're lucky I didn't ring you at 0445 to ask how your lawn was).

Catatonia means you have to ask custody to unlock after hours, this needs managements permission as anything out of the ordinary is viewed by officers (and me too to be honest) as evil and very likely trouble.

"Why do you want to unlock after hours?"

"To give charted medication, Forensics deem it very important that they are regular and on time"

"Why?"

"If he doesn't get them he slows down and stops moving, eating and talking"

"Sounds like the perfect crim."

"He might die on your shift"

"What time do you want to unlock?"


Catatonia means you get to shower with another person though not in the way you had always dreamed. You do get to have a chair in the shower which kind of helps but you still have the pleasure of catching him which looks comical as he has managed to finally soap himself up, bit like wrestling with an eel.

Catatonia means you can play puppets, mime or mannequins - though you really shouldn't, if anyone catches you tell them it's for diagnostic purposes only.

And finally,

Catatonia means that in a sleep deprived state I decided to ring the Director of Forensic Health Services to ask a question about a hybrid order and when he answered I discovered he was in Miami, probably asleep until the call, and in discovering this realize that once and for all any chance of furthering my career in mental health is over.

(Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb dumb……………………………………..)


Have a safe long Weekend.





The Grey Madness