11.04.08

It was hard to come to prison this morning,

I was listening to a CD and the first thing I heard was George Thorogood singing that when he drinks by himself he likes to be alone, good logic me thinks and a baseline for when you've perhaps had too much, cause if you're drinking by yourself accompanied by the 6ft White Wabbit…….

well you get the drift.

I tell ya when someone is rocking out the benefits of being best friends with Jack Daniels and Jim Beam the alignment in the car suddenly veers left towards each off ramp in an effort to turn towards home where those friends wait.

Yes, it was hard to come into work this morning.


I have a new car.

Decided to obtain something more economical than driving a Bighorn to work and back each day (I think I only brought the Bighorn so I could use the phrase) so now I have a Toyota Vista. A very sensible car it is, it has the word 'Economical' that lights up in green when you drive in a manner allowing less of the stratosphere to deteriorate.

So now I have a new game of driving to get the green light on more often than not,

very exciting.

This made me take stock of my life and where it has come to.

I used to have a Rover Tomcat turbo that could reach over 200kms per hour quite easily, allegedly. It was black, 2 door, leather interior, manual, targa top, and did I mention it was a turbo?

Then came kids.

Goodbye Tomcat.

Hello Bighorn (still sounds cool).

Admittedly the Bighorn did a good job as I could fit in the child seats, beach toys, X-mass trees, bodies of hitchhikers and drive over terra firma inaccessible to most other vehicles, hell it even saved my life once. I was helping 'someone' (need to protect the guilty) fell a 40 meter pine tree which was leaning in a position that meant it would take out the paddocks fence, since I had failed math’s and especially physics at school I believed that I could attach chain and rope to both the tree and the bull bar of my Bighorn (hahhhahaa) to counter balance and effect a fall minimizing damage to the fence line.

I reversed my vehicle into position, the ropes and chain were all taut, 'someone' proceeded to cut the final wedge as my plan came close to fruition.

Perfect, the tree began to fall.

Not perfect, the tree is coming at me.

Not my initial plan.

I punched the accelerator almost through the floor in an attempt to hit hyper reverse but the fucken tree was faster and longer and I had to throw myself down in the front space of the cab as large parts of a Pinus Radiata (native to California do you know?) came through the windscreen, smashed the bonnet, bent the bull bar and brought the Bighorn to a stop.

Engine kept running though,

idling gently,

laughing at me.

So the Beast has looked after me and I do miss her.

But yes, I have a new car, a sensible car, though as I found out at higher speeds I can flick it out of overdrive, hit the Power Drive to lock in lower gears and the acceleration is quite impressive, at least the prick in the Lexus that couldn't keep up with me whipping through early morning traffic thought so, it's not all speed when you add the need for maneuvering, it's about having the balls to think you know where the edge is and ride that razor for as long as you can before you tip over and the edge becomes the end. Hunter.S.Thompson knew that well, he always thought the only ones who truly knew where the edge is are those who have pushed it too far and traveled to the other side, you can look back at that point and see with clarity what it was as opposed to wondering what it might be, Hunter is now in that group and with that thought and CD blatting out The Cruel Sea's 'Better get a Lawyer Son' in a raspy tone I slowed down to the sensible David and found myself looking on the consol for the flashing green name that these days is more revered and trusted than God,


‘Economical’


Well its 1900 ish hours, 4 hours past when I was meant to leave though my core work with the mentally unwell and at risk does not fit in a 7 to 3 schedule, yes Mr. Suit, psychosis does not keep to a time frame. They don’t like me doing over time, thankfully I have a Team Leader that understands and buffers me from them, Suits must think my overtime hurts the budget, guess when they look at my name no flashing green light comes up extolling me to be ‘Economical’.


Wonder how they calculate under treated mental illness, florid psychosis, self harm and death.



What column of the all knowing spread sheet does that fit in?





The Grey Madness, Gollum, his 6000 year old dog and The 6ft White Wabbit.