21.05.06

Management at Prison appear concerned at my writing to other agencies, and to themselves. I send my summaries of mental health and risk assessments and I always preface the attachment with whatever is on my mind.

They seem to wonder at whom they have exploring the minds of the prisoners, and perhaps also them. Here is example.


The grass is brown, the lambs are dead,

I wonder where dem boidies at?

Those boids are in the air and on the wing,

but how absurd,

those wings dey be upon the boids.


The call of the great Snuffleuffagus has sounded and we march into battle against enemies of Sesame Street. General Big Bird is giving Snuffleuffagus' orders and since he is the only one who can see or acknowledge his existence this is probably for the best (mind you the others would be able to see him should they socially construct him out of necessity, or stop their meds). Oscar the Grouch is manning the cannons and has loaded them with rubbish 'grapeshot'; he is of course, need I remind you, on his last warning after firing at Elmo. He would have been decommissioned immediately under normal conditions but no-one really likes the whiny little red bastard and we need all hands on deck. As it was Beaker got it in the head but since he explodes twice a week there was little concern over the incident. Animal is leading the charge of the Light Brigade; he has no horses, and as history would indicate, little chance of victory - exactly the odds he likes. Kermit is also at the Front; we tried to have his tactical skills better utilized by placing him in head quarters behind the lines but he argued well. The thought of remaining in a one sided relationship with a cloven hoofed porcine was too much for him and we had no rebuttal to this. Unfortunately we had to leave Gonzo out of the picture as his sexual antics with chickens were distracting the troops. Napoleon knew well that an army marches on its stomach and we had this covered with the infamous Swedish Chef; an added bonus being that whilst his culinary skills may on occasion miss the mark his utensils have been known to be deadly to our enemy. Whilst we felt we had command of the field we ensured that Air Dominance was captured by no other than Pigs in Space. Dropping missiles from that elevation is by no means accurate but it is intimidating; especially when Miss Piggy is attempting to save her slippery green friend using her image on not only the leaflets dropped (special NASA ceramic coated paper so as not to combust on re-entry) but on shrapnel within the bombs, imagine looking at your comrade and seeing a burning glaring Pig staring from his/her caved in chest.

I was given the job of ensuring alcohol is dispensed and administered to all as recent studies I have undertaken proves beyond a doubt that alcohol improves perception, judgement, and alacrity.

We were to use the bible of warfare by Sun Tzu for directing our strengths whilst exposing and exploiting their weaknesses but the translation was in English and we only spoke 25 variations of Mandarin and Cantonese.

The clash was colossal; trumpets brayed across burnt fields as two sides, each believing themselves right, hurled into the fray.

Blue's Clues had the upper hand initially but we sniffed out those bloody blue paw prints, drew them in our handy dandy note books and neutered the buggers. The Teletubies were interesting; Lala and Dipsey bounced well but fell on Animals drumsticks, they lay like kebabs on the field; kebabs that our Swedish Chef quickly seared and served on a fluffy bed of jasmine rice. Tinky-Winky and Poe captured Elmo but when they discovered how annoying he was they sued for peace. We refused the monies offered and in the end they ran unarmed into a volley from Oscar. They died with smiles on their chubby faces. The question of why they did not just kill Elmo was answered when we found him; continuing to tap-dance and sing in his shill voice riddled with bullet holes. They should have known he was one of the undead. The main resistance was from Nu-Nu their vacuum cleaner, he sucked up a lot of our resource though in the end sufficient fur was inhaled and he overheated. High Five unexpectedly came at our flank, thankfully Big Ted used Jemima to construct a wall and Little Ted pushed Humpty off onto them. All the kings’ horses and all the kings’ men…. The Wiggles felt left out and danced into action. They should not have believed that Wags the Dog was their best friend as he sold them to us for assurances that he could chow down on Henry the Octopus. Their other sidekick was not much better; Dorothy the Dinosaur was too busy being serviced by our new recruit Barney to be of any use. Optimus Prime tried to get into the act but we had a very useful engine by the name of Thomas who remarkably brokered a deal with Diesel 10 to band the Steamy's and Diesel's together, with this collaboration we finished off any remaining resistance and there was very little confusion and delay forthwith.

The Fat Controller was very happy.

As was Snuffleuffagus.

In celebration he took his long time lover as his wife. He sauntered down the body strewn field, nose in wing with Big Bird. They epitomized our day and our reason for fighting – to be civil and to love, to belong and to understand, to accept without judgment and to treat others with respect for the beliefs that they may have, that we are all different and should be allowed to BE.

Until they piss us off, annoy us, disobey our ultimatums or differ from our interpretations and perceptions of life, the universe and everything.

This program has been brought to you by the letter’s H&I and the number NOW.


See,



normal.





The Grey Madness